My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
