i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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