you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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