But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
