I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
