She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
