I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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