They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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