there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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