if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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