your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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