Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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