Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
