he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
