I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
