Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
