just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
