wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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