You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
