Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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