do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
