Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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