i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
