her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
