Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I could make wine with my vomit
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
