Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
