Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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