Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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