i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
