And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
