he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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