ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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