Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
