oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
