How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
