I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
