she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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