She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
