Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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