a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
