While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
