Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
