well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
