The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
