After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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