Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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