im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
