If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
