i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He felt like a one man threesome
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just blew my weed a kiss
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
