i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
