Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
