In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
